Accompanying song: Friends (Hoseok’s Theme)

They thought a dance had started it all, the love and pain, suffering and joy, but their true dance of love and life still awaits them

• James couldn’t stand being here, in this ballroom where so many terrible things had happened 
• But he would endure it for his sister and her fiance, Jesse
• After all they both came to his engagement party too
• His engagement — who knew something meant to bring two people together would leave two souls shattered and stranded 
• It had been months since the bracelet had come off 
• James was aware of how horrible it had been of him to not only ask for Cordelia’s hand in a fake marriage but also tell her he didn’t love her
• After the bracelet came off James confessed to Cordelia, but it hadn’t been enough
• She had felt so much pain
• Pain when she thought the person she loved most didn’t love her back and pain when she learned what he had lived through, and all she thought she could have done, pain for her vain attempt of moving on from him
• She needed time to heal
• James was healing too, or rather learning to be James for the first time in his life
• The James he could have been all this time
• Who knew if that James would still love her in the end
• Cordelia hated this ballroom
• As happy as she was for Lucie this room held too many bad memories and the one person that lived in all of them
• James and Cordelia were no longer the same, no longer engaged, no longer speaking, they were no longer friends 

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After all, Lucie met Jesse the night she snuck out of the Herondale Manor, the night their lives were woven together. 

• Lucie was excellent at blocking out the world and drowning herself in her own written sea, so it was always very easy for Jesse to sneak up on her
• He would shake her, making her mark the page with unnecessary ink 
• But Lucie didn’t mind — she liked the thought of having marks on the page that showed the existence of her lover was real
• Jesse always stayed so Lucie could read him the words she’d written 
• She would sometimes sneak in her own proclamations of love for Jesse and disguised them as things her characters said
• Jesse would sneak in some of his own love for Lucie, through writing on her pages so that when she read them again she would read of how much he loved her
• They loved to dance 
• They would sneak in dances in her room under the moonlight, under trees in gardens, in secret alleyways
• But there was rarely a song playing— the lovers would make one up on the spot
• They would often sneak off to Lucie’s room for there were things they needed to do lover to lover
• It was much easier to do so when Jesse had come to live in the Institute, to his new family 
• Jesse had nightmares — about his life and what it could have been
• He lost so much and suffered a great deal, he was afraid of losing himself
• At first Brother Zacharia had given him a potion to help him sleep but it didn’t work and he would wake the living and the dead with his screams
• Lucie would have to go into his room and stay the night 
• They tried a stronger dose, and it seemed to work, but it wasn’t what helped him escape the clutches of his pain and past
• Lucie would sneak into his room night after night
• She was the only one capable of reaching into the darkest places of his soul and bring him back to the light
• Lucie would hold him, whisper words of love and a future without darkness, she would tell him stories, or simply let him cry 
• But she always loved him the way he should have been loved
• Lucie saved him night after night—just as Jesse had saved her the night she snuck out into the forest all those years ago

It pains me to think about how much suffering Tessa went through and how much pain she’ll live with for the rest of her life having to outlive her husband Will and their kids Lucie and James as well.

It’s one thing to outlive your husband, but it’s another to have to see your kids age — you stay with the face of a 19-year-old while their hair greys — and one day, they’re gone.

She didn’t just outlive them — she lost them. Of course, everyone loses a loved one when said loved one dies but the normal person only lives a few years more and they join their beloved in the next life. Tessa is not a normal person, she’s immortal, she didn’t just live a few years after their deaths, she lived a whole new life. 

The epilogue of Clockwork Princess struck my heart so deeply, it somewhat shattered it. Thinking about it as I write this brings back the hurt I felt for Tessa (and for Jem, even Will too). She realized she couldn’t remember the exact shade of blue of Will’s eyes or the depth of his laugh. She had to go through all of that all over again with Lucie and James after their deaths.

She’s now in the place of happiness with Jem she imagined a lifetime ago, and they have a beautiful daughter as well. Tessa is so happy and Jem too — and Will is too, as he watches over them. It’s like my heart that broke for Tessa has been melted and reshaped to a new one, where the new love and joy Tessa and Jem have lives, alongside the love and joy Tessa and Will had still have even worlds apart.

And yet, my heart can’t help but break, and my throat can’t do anything else except tighten at the thought of Tessa having to live through that all over again. She’ll share a wonderful life with Jem and Mina but she’ll have to live through her husband growing old and losing him and eventually her daughter as well. 

Unless she goes with Jem to join Will in the next life. Tessa loves that she has been able to live in the world of shadowhunters, and that’s she’s able to help them and see the lineage of lives her friends and family started so long ago. She loves and accepts the warlock part of her. But she’s also a shadowhunter, she may have stranded from it for some time but that’s where she found herself at the age of sixteen and that is where her heart lies. Normal warlocks would never think of ending their lives, even for love. Tessa is part warlock and part shadowhunter. Maybe she was meant to live hundreds of years — or maybe she was meant to return to the world of shadows with the two people she loves most. 

James and Cordelia had one of the most memorable moments in all the books during their short time in the whispering room, so I thought what else might happen between them in rooms 

• Cordelia “dragged” James to almost every ballroom (save for the parties thrown by his loved ones)
• He would rather spend that time alone with Cordelia, or reading, or reading with Cordelia 
• But he secretly loved one thing about them: Cordelia’s beautiful gowns and his stunning suits
• He liked to pretend they were a prince and a princess from one of the stories Cordelia would read to him
• Every once in a while they found themselves alone in rooms they shouldn’t be in
• They always thought back to that night in the Whispering Room
• And sometimes they liked to act it out again, and every time it only got better
• they weren’t always cautious, it seems, like the time they broke a desk
• If they weren’t reading together they’d still be reading in the same room
• Not speaking to each other for hours on end
• only stealing glances at each other 
• sometimes one of them would recite a passage of the book they’d be  reading 
• then it was back to silence, no need for more words
• One time they both fell asleep reading their respective books
• James on the window seat
• Cordelia on the couch
• Cordelia woke up first and saw James sleeping, not wanting to disturb him she left to the kitchen to get something to eat
• A few seconds after she left the room James woke up startled
• Where’s Cordelia?
• He put the book down and sprang to his feet
• “Daisy…Daisy…Daisy where—”
• He found her in a hallway
• She turned to him, “Yes, my darling”
• he closed the distance between them, desperate to be near her
• their arms fell into place around each other, holding the other as close as possible
• “I didn’t see you when I woke up, I missed you”
  
• James kissed all her exposed skin from the neck up 
• “I was gone for a second”
  
• “That was one too many”
  
• Cordelia wove her fingers in his black sea of hair 
• “James…room…”
  
• James didn’t tear himself from her as a cry escaped his throat
• He deepened the kiss as Cordelia threw her neck back and he picked her up
• He carried them to his old room, now theirs
• That night, like many other nights, the room held the cries and whimpers, screams and whispers of a boy with golden eyes and a girl with red hair

It feels odd to me that as I’m reading Chain of Gold, I’m older than most of the characters.

I’ve waited for Chain of Gold for six years — since I was 14 and now at 19 I’m finally reading the first book in The Last Hours. And when the series is done I’ll be 21 and the characters will stay the same age or only get older by one year (unless there is an epilogue).

It feels odd because I always saw them as older than me. Even though I knew little about them I thought I would get to see them as people I could become when I reached their age — but now I’ve passed most of them.

I’ve known about them and have wanted to meet them for many years now, and now I have but at a different age than I imagined.

I wanted to meet them when I was younger, or read about them when I was their age — and now their story has just begun at the point I thought we’d meet, theirs is the same while mine has passed them.

noah fence but I just realized that

The Mortal Instruments, The Infernal Devices, and The Dark Artifices are all tangible things while

The Last Hours and The Wicked Powers are not

And Cassie said in the Wicked Powers the Shadowhunters will face their biggest threat ever

so it got me thinking: what ever is going to happen in The Last Hours is going to be pretty terrible. [ :D dies] I don’t know, I’m reaching but I’m scared

It’s not about having to fight or retrieve something tangible, they’re fighting against time??? Not just hoping they don’t run out of it for whatever reason but something larger than that……..

Tessa is now married to Jem and they have a daughter and she’s so happy, they’re all so happy. But I can’t help but think about what’s going to happen to Tessa as they grow old without her, it’s happened before with Will, James, and Lucie, and to put it as simple as possible, it was hard for her and was hard for many years after. Having to outlive not only your love but your kids as well is painful. Meeting Jem at Blackfrairs Bridge all those years is something that helped her hold on. But he’s no longer a silent brother, and although they are married with a child, it means he can no longer stay with Tessa forever. When he dies Tessa’s two greatest loves will be gone forever. Is she going to go with Jem to join Will in the afterlife? She misses Will terribly. Is she going to keep living after Jem dies or will she close the book on her life? She can’t die of old age so she would have to do something to herself and I don’t know how Jem would feel about that. What would he tell her: that he will happily cross with her over to the next life or ask her to stay? When Mina is born Tessa thinks of how painful it’s going to be having to yet again watch as her love and child have to grow old without her and their deaths. Does she have plans to stay, or is she ready to cross with Jem and meet Will again?

okay hear me out :D

Cordelia’s hair is red

RED by Taylor Swift is about hurting while being in love, the intensity of love and the pain it can cause when a love burns too bright

James’s eyes are golden

Lover by Taylor Swift is about the happiness of loving and being loved with a motif of love being golden, love just as intense but without the hurting

My point is Cordelia and James will go through great pains because of their love but they will make in the end. Together. And happy.

[I’m reaching at this point, really. I’m desperate, hahahaha.]

I have to be honest. Part of the reason why James “choosing” Grace over Cordelia hurt was that Grace is white and Cordelia is a person of color. I am a person of color too, so seeing Cordelia be a lead character in a series I love and making friends and falling in love and being happy (with characters I love too) meant so much to me. It made me so happy to see a brown girl like myself being happy with friends and falling in love, but it hurt when the boy she loves “chose” someone else. I know James is actually in love with Cordelia (”my Daisy”) and that he is being controlled and isn’t “in love” with Grace willingly, but it felt like a little jab to the heart having a girl of color be put aside by her love for a white girl. Like I said I know their true feeling but still it hurts to have to read through James telling Cordelia he “doesn’t love her.” I’m don’t know if anyone else feels like this. These are just my thoughts, that’s all.

Anyhow, I’m not overly hurt or anything. It’s just a thought.